This is Why I Don’t Need You

Screen Shot 2018-07-10 at 11.18.47 AM.png

I recently discovered the song This is Why I Need You by Jesse Ruben. I instantly fell in love with the melody, lyrics, and Ruben’s voice. However, as I’ve stumbled upon a new relationship in my life I can’t help but think how flawed this song is. The first verses say,

I have so many questions and places to go

There are too many options, far too many unknowns

This is why I need you

And everyone talks now, but no one is right

There are too many armies, with no one to fight

This is why I need you.

It seems as if society views romantic love as a necessity. This song is not the only popular culture to spread the message of needing a significant other. Why is it that someone cannot be seen as a whole person without that special someone? We shouldn’t really ever need anyone. I believe it’s okay to want and love someone. Nonetheless, we must pay attention to what this song is saying. We must realize that needing someone is not romantic or beautiful, it’s detrimental. The chorus says,

‘Cause you make the darkness less dark

You make the edges less sharp

You make the winter feel warmer

And you make my weakness less weak…

You are the who, love is the what, and this is the why.

I don’t think Ruben had intentions of diffusing the harmful idea of needing someone. But this does not change the fact that it’s unhealthy to feel as if positive changes can only be because of a significant other. Repeat after me everyone: we do not need a boyfriend or girlfriend; we do not need a relationship; we must create our own happiness.

Advertisements

How to Stay Motivated to Workout

Screen Shot 2018-06-27 at 9.50.58 AM

Believe me when I say I know how hard it can be to get the motivation needed to workout. Over the years I’ve developed some tips for staying motivated throughout my physical journey. Interpret them the way you please and only take what you feel would benefit you! 

Make a playlist that rocks

One of the biggest reasons I have the motivation to workout is because I look forward to listening to the music I have in my “workout” playlist. I rarely listen to rap or electronic dance music when I’m outside of the gym. But as that music starts playing, I get fired up and look forward to giving my all into my 1-mile run and medicine ball smashes. The beat and energy of the music pushes me to get to the gym and ultimately, work hard. 

Pencil in the time to workout in advance

It’s so important to make time for your workout when you have a busy, or even idle, schedule. When I commit myself to working out at a certain time, I’m more likely to follow through. You wouldn’t bail on meeting a friend for lunch at 12:30, right? Well then, don’t bail on your meeting with the gym at 5:00pm. I completely understand playing the excuses game with yourself. But I promise, it’s not worth it. Besides, in the time that you’re convincing yourself you don’t need to workout, you could’ve been done already! 

Create a workout that is fun

It gets very repetitive and honestly, boring, when I do the same workout everyday. Try to switch up your workout routine and do exercises that are fun and make you feel good. Recently, I’ve been working on my endurance on the stair machine. Boy, is it hard but I feel so accomplished after finishing just 10 minutes! It’s fun and it challenges me. If you don’t have a gym membership don’t feel discouraged by the lack of exercise machines. Take a walk around your neighborhood, buy some free weights at Walmart, perform some ab exercises on the floor, or dance around your room. Just get your body moving and have fun doing it – that’s what it’s all about. 

Listen to your body

The simple act of listening to your body seems to be overlooked in one’s motivation for working out. If you’re sore or overtired, focus on resting and resetting your body. The same goes for when your body seems to need a good workout. Are you feeling sluggish and unhappy? Go workout. Give your body the attention and love it deserves. The human body is an amazing thing and we must treat it as our temple, guiding the decisions we make. 

Remember how good you’ll feel after

For many people, the ultimate motivation to workout is knowing how good they’ll feel after. A good workout not only has the power to improve your physical well-being, but also your mental well-being. It’s important to focus on the big picture and do what it takes to create a positive attitude. I always try to remember the end result of a workout to give me the motivation I need, this way I actually have a reason for doing it. 

It’s true that motivation comes and goes, so don’t get discouraged if you still haven’t gotten off the couch. Kate Hudson says it best in her book, Pretty Happy: Healthy Ways to Love Your Body; we must “respect our shapes and sizes, embrace ourselves as we are, and nurture compassion for ourselves and others.” At the end of the day, the world will not crumble if we skip the gym, but it might start to fall apart if we lose sight of the love we should have for our body.

Do We Have More Than One Soul Mate?

Screen Shot 2018-05-21 at 11.38.15 AM.png

As I sit on a plane full of people I have never seen or met before, I can’t help but wonder if I have missed opportunities to meet “the one.” Can it really be said that what’s meant to be will be? What if my soul mate is half way across the country or half way across another country? There could be the possibility of never meeting my soul mate. Scarier yet, there is the possibility that I’ve met and overlooked him. I’m not saying this in a conceited way, but rather for the purpose of raising the question of fate/destiny. I’ve never believed in multiple soul mates on earth however, this plane ride is changing my perspective. First, let me explain that I believe in one soul mate on earth. This means that my friend Tatum’s mother has another chance to meet a soul mate, despite the death of her beloved husband. I suppose I believe in a deceased soul mate having the ability to make the stars align for their living soul mate, providing another key to their heart. So, as I’ve said, my plane ride has given me a deeper look at the possibilities that await us all. How can it be that with a population of 7 billion people, 500 million in the US alone, we only have one soul mate? There are so many people we haven’t encountered and gotten to know. What if there’s someone more suitable for my aunt Susie than my uncle Mark? I’m sure if I were to ask her that, she would say “no way in hell.” But the question still remains valid; there’s no way of knowing everyone. Another part of me believes that perhaps my higher power, God, has a plan and inevitably, fate must ensue. So, could it be that my cousin Nikki was meant to meet her husband in a high school of their hometown because he is her one and only soul mate on this earth? It sure sounds like fate when it’s put that way, doesn’t it? Now, I do realize that these are big questions that absolutely no one knows the real answers to. Nonetheless, as I grow older and wiser, I would like to know the truth about my coldness or hotness to finding my soul mate(s), although I do realize I have a lot more life to live. Furthermore, what’s the point of having a soul mate if you don’t have a love with them in the end? Why is it that during the years of raising me, my mom has been single? Where is her soul mate and do their paths have to cross eventually? Does a soul mate even have to be romantic? Although I have all these burning questions, they’re not really burning. It’s okay to ask what cannot be answered. We, as humans, feel we need to know everything in order to be one step ahead of the game. But it’s easy to forget that our precious lives are not necessarily our games to play – they’re God’s. Whether you agree or disagree with the things I’ve said, I’d love to know what everyone thinks about these questions – it’s too much for me to wrap my head around on my own anyway 🙂

The End of Freshman Year

IMG_2805

I’ve been home from college for about a week now and I’m still convinced I’ll be driving back to Ashland in a few days. It’s unbelievable that I have already finished my freshman year. I can’t begin to explain how much I’ve loved being at my new home with my new family. I’m so grateful for all that I’ve learned and all those that I’ve met while being at college. I’ll admit, as I was leaving school I was upset, sad, and worried that I wouldn’t be able to adjust to life back in Erie. But so far, I’m doing okay. I started a new job and it has helped me take my mind off not being in Ashland. Plus, I needed a break from school work. It has been so great being with my family and watching The Middle to my heart’s content. I’m looking forward to seeing where this summer takes me and I’m grateful for where I’m at right now. 

Whole People Finding Whole Love

hero_Wild-2014-1

Author, Cheryl Strayed, has left me feeling inspired since watching the film adaptation of her memoir, Wild. This movie illustrates Strayed’s emotional and physical journey along the 1,000 mile Pacific Crest Trail. Dealing with the loss of her mother and recent divorce, she struggles to be reminded of the strong woman she once was. Her incredible story has proved to be influential to many and clearly, I am one of the many. Her quote, “we have to be whole people to find whole love,” refuses to leave my psyche. It is something I have always been told, but never genuinely believed. Why is it that I cannot love another while still working on myself? It always seemed unfair to me; but I do not feel that way anymore. I no longer resent being told that I must fall in love with myself first. I think this newfound acceptance has to do with the way Strayed uses her words. They are much more powerful than the generic impossibility of loving someone else without loving yourself. The notion of being whole people is quite brilliant. It suggests that we need to discover what it is about ourselves that can look past the common feeling of emptiness. These discoveries make us the person we are. We must find happiness and wholeness on our own. It cannot rely on anyone else because the simple truth is that even the best people let us down from time to time. When we are confident in our ability to be alone and be genuinely happy, we can begin to search for the whole love that we all deserve. Society does not usually consider “real” love to be “whole” love, but what if we started? Our vision of the relationships we hold would shift dramatically. Whole love builds us up. There are no insecurities, no confusion, and no abandonment. If we are whole people, we do not settle for anything less than ideal; this is the way we achieve whole love. Cheryl Strayed has opened my eyes to the way I view myself in relation to finding love. It is okay not to be ready for the whole love that she discusses. It is so easy to rush the process and get caught up in finding the person we are going to be with for the rest of our lives. Nevertheless, it is important to remember that everything works out the way it is supposed to. I will leave you with another quote from Strayed. “I can’t say when you’ll get love or how you’ll find it or even promise that you will. I can only say you are worthy of it and that it’s never too much to ask for it.”

Atypical

zfjpoijeeqrur2sj2cv5

I just finished watching the Netflix original, Atypical, and I can easily say it’s one of the best TV shows I’ve ever watched. The series follows the life of a family with a son who is on the autism spectrum. This heartwarming comedy shows the trials and tribulations they must go through, as well as the beautiful moments in their lives. Each character is dynamic and important in creating the show to be an inspirational one. As Sam, the main character, decides he’s ready for romance, his family must adjust to his new center of attention. The viewer quickly learns the things that Sam is interested in and can’t help but love all that makes him unique. His sister, Casey, also begins to dive into the world of relationships. She’s a track star with an immense amount of love to give to her brother. The relationship that they have is very special and adequately represents the tough, amazing moments one has with their autistic sibling. Their mother, Elsa, is an overworked woman who learns to let loose and not take life too seriously. In this new pursuit of finding her own happiness, she stumbles upon a younger man with whom she begins an affair. Doug, her husband, is unaware of this and strives to better the relationship he has with his son. He admits to not understanding everything about Sam and for not always being a strong parent. This vulnerability in him is comforting to anyone who has an autistic relative or friend. As of right now, Atypical is only one season long with 8 episodes. I highly recommend watching this show, whether it be for the emotional touches, comedic script, or broadening your understanding of autism. I look forward to season 2!

The College Life

Ashland-UniversityI know I haven’t posted anything in a while but I promise, I have good reason. College life is treating me well and I’ve adapted to my new home pretty quickly. I came here with the intention of breaking out of my comfort zone and let me say, I have done just that. I’ve met so many people who I feel like I’ve known my whole life. For example, right now there’s about 10 of us chilling in the lobby watching the Cleveland-Baltimore football game. There’s such a comfortable atmosphere, I can’t help but be happy. The first weekend I was here, I got involved by joining clubs such as, Young Democrats, Eagle Pride, and Club Volleyball. I’m also rushing for Greek Life this weekend – here’s hoping I get a bid from my favorite sorority. Additionally, I’m continuing to write because last week I wrote my first article for the university newspaper! I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be heard on a larger scale. The size of the school is just right and I love walking to class, stopping to say “hi” to the many people I consider friends. I can’t put into words how appreciative I am to have this experience. I’m lucky to be getting a good education, meeting great people, and having the time of my life. I hope it only continues to get better!

Feeling the Feelings

IMG_9807

I was at Country Fair stopping for hot chocolate with my mom and aunt as we are on our way to Volant Mills for a 15 mile yard sale. There were no lids and I was holding too many things when I spilled the hot chocolate on my clothes, my right hand, and the floor. Tears began to form in my eyes from the burn and no one was helping me, not to mention it was pretty embarrassing. As I wiped off my hand I couldn’t stop crying and I went to the bathroom to put cold water on it. I looked in the mirror and mentally said, “this is it, I haven’t cried since the beginning of summer and here it is.” Fast forward to the present; I’m in the back seat with tears still falling. College is such a terrifying, exciting experience and it’s time I acknowledge that. I don’t want to leave my family. There’s never a dull or unloving moment with them. I don’t want to leave my friends. This summer has been amazing and I don’t want things to change. I don’t want to leave the comfortable, familiar atmosphere of Erie – this place is home. So, as I’m experiencing all of these sad emotions in the back seat of my mom’s car, I recognize how necessary they are. This is what college is all about. It’s about stepping outside of your comfort zone, because you don’t have any other choice. It’s about leaving home, because maybe there’s another home for you. It’s about appreciating what you have and looking forward to what you will have. I’m not ashamed of these tears, I welcome them. I know God is watching over me and He will send happiness my way. Also, in case you’re wondering, I never got a lid and the hot chocolate is not very good.

Detroit Film

detroit

Earlier this week my best friend and I saw the new film, Detroit. I’m just going to give a general opinion on the movie, as I believe it’s something everyone should see. I have formerly heard about riots breaking out in the 60s due to the segregation of African Americans. This movie focuses on the riots that occurred in Detroit as well as the Algiers Motel incident. This incident involved twelve teenagers, ten black males and two white females, who were badly beaten and unjustly accused of shooting at police. As a result, three boys were killed by the Detroit Police. It was heartbreaking to watch innocent kids, the same age as me, be badly abused. I had no knowledge of this incident before watching the movie. It’s awful to think this happened in our country and we should be ashamed of spreading such racism, hate, and violence. In the end, all of the cops were found not guilty. It’s unbelievable how the purposeful murder of young teenage boys can go unpunished. The truly sad part is that if they were white, the trial probably would have gone totally different. I believe these historical incidents should be talked about and that starts with educating students on it. As for now, go see Detroit in theaters near you!

Trump’s Anti-Trans Pronouncement

620585556_1280x720Well, Trump is at it again – doing shit that makes me furious. About an hour ago Donald Trump tweeted, “After consultation with my Generals and military experts, please be advised that the United States Government will not accept or allow Transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the U.S. Military. Our military must be focused on decisive and overwhelming victory and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that transgender in the military would entail. Thank you.” I am baffled as to how un-American this is. How can you deny someone’s right to protect our country? Additionally, I find it very immature of him to tweet such a thing rather than give a statement on it. I’m sure many transgender people logged onto Twitter and suddenly saw that they can no longer serve our country – how sad is that? The thing that bugs me the most about Donald Trump is that he doesn’t treat people like human beings. I find it terrible that he so easily called transgender people “disruptive burdens;” as if their gender identity stands in the way of bravery, heroism, and patriotism. Well, I’m here to tell you it doesn’t. I’m truly sorry for anyone who is affected by this ban however, I support and love you. Remember, that we will not be bullied by Trump. #resist